Ranting Time

It’s been so long since I wrote. Well in all the work and the havoc that can be raised due to life itself, I had somehow lost out on the me time to write. But I guess major chunk of that has passed me by and now I am looking forward what next could be thrown my way.

I am waiting for some lightening to strike and tell me that my life is going to magically turn into something exciting. For a few days now I have been feeling a tad bit bored, ugly, uninteresting and lonely to name a few. It feels like I have stopped being the person I was. I smile and I am not happy cause maybe its not all the way down there.

And I wonder can the absence of someone in your life make you think like this. If it does than isn’t it just sad. I mean we are so tuned to think that we need someone in our life to truly enjoy it and relish it that when we have a perfectly normal life which could be going perfectly alright, we want to still find that someone. I infact right now want to look pretty for someone else. And I am looking at myself and laughing and wondering why do I want to do that. It’s a funny world we live in and I know its not just me. But we have friends, family and a lot more to smile for but the absence of ‘the one’ somehow makes all the difference.

I just want to wake up and jolt out of this wish if thats possible. I don’t want to be a believer inn  fairy tales because honestly they are screwing with your mind. There is no Prince Charming and definitely no happily ever after.

Maybe I just need a break. Once just walk away from everything and take a deep breath and keep writing for eternity or at least for as long as possible. Or just go away and meet someone absolutely unknown and somehow be just myself because around others you are so tuned to being a certain image of yourself that it has now started to scare me.

There is a thin line between what you are and what you want to be seen as and what you want to be. Is it a good thing that these lines are fading or not. I don’t know. I don’t think I ever will. But then again somehow always, everywhere there is a black hole.

In my head

I cringe,

crib and whine,

at the thought of empty nights.

There is the urgent longing,

of your being at my side.

The sounds of this dark,

they echo in my dreams,

eating in on me,

but I wake up.

I want to stay awake,

not letting you make a mess of it all,

I know you are in my head.