I would like to think I have always conformed to society’s expectations of me. More often than not I have taken the safe road. I have hardly taken risks, I haven’t believed in myself enough. A lot of times even though I may not admit it, my self image has been influenced by people I am surrounded by. I have tried to mould myself to what is expected out of me from those who I love. And then life shakes me up, it’s like my entire belief system has fallen apart in some sense.
And so at the age of 31, I am taking the decision to discover myself. I have quit my safe and cushy job which I was doing well at – and I have decided to go ahead and live my dreams. The starting point however is to find out what my dreams really are. Is it the long standing love of theatre or my childhood affair with words? Or is life going to bring me back full circle to what I am already doing – digital marketing – I don’t hate my job so maybe I am meant to do this. But whatever it is, I want to not sit on the sidelines of my life anymore. I don’t want to just watch it pass by – I want to live it and breathe it.
If I were to die tomorrow, I want to live today like it’s my last day in the world. I want to not sit and talk about the issues that bother me, I want to do something about them. Over the last few months I feel like my body has been giving me indications that I am burning myself out – physically I have felt weaker and mentally I have oscillated between extremes. I am glad I did though, because I don’t want to do anything that doesn’t make me happy anymore. 100% happy. Not fairly happy, not ‘I can deal with it happy’ – but just happy. Truly happy. I want to live my life like it means something to me, and I know it sounds ambitious but I want to make a difference to the world.
So here is my goodbye to the corporate rat race and my first step into a race of my own.